Theo's lip quirks at the thought. "Aye, that sounds like something that would need done."
Since that was her way. Theo had long grown accustomed to the twins and their own unique brands of fussing. The Viera turned, gaze fixed on the Exarch now that he had stopped speaking. Don't think I didn't notice... Notice what? Theo was certain he never informed anyone of what the Light was doing to him. No one needed to worry about that, lest they think Theo unable to see this through. Which he would.
His head tilted to the side a bit, an ear dropping with it. "The way I...?"
The words snap him out of his shock, and even without the tell-tale twitch of his ears, tucked as they are neatly beneath his hood, it's obvious that he starts slightly at the sound of them.
"You avoided the question." He finishes smoothly - he knows he can't hide the way he flinched, but he hopes that by pressing on he can at least make Theo forget about it and not ask too many questions of his own.
"Are you well, my friend? If I report back to Mistress Alisaie that you refused to answer for your current state, she will return here herself."
He's not above using the fear of Alisaie to keep the conversation on the right track, even as his mind races at this new revelation.
Would Theo believe him, if G'raha told him without evidence? Would he be angry to learn the identity that G'raha has hid from him, since he can't very well reveal such information and still keep it hidden, can he?
More importantly, is it fair to tell him when G'raha still has every expectation of sacrificing himself for their cause?
Even if the movement of ears under the hood cannot be seen, Theo was still able to hear the slight shift of fabric. Something caught the hidden Miqo'te off guard. Now what that was? Oh he wasn't sure. Yet it was a little concerning. His ears folded back in concern before returning to a more upright position.
"I see you are not afraid to weaponize Alisaie," he replied instead. "You may tell her it is nothing that anyone can assist me with."
Of course Theo was clueless as to the internal struggle of the other man in the room. That shirt at least covered everything now, even if the collar dropped below a shoulder a touch. Really, this was a rare sight. Theo rarely allowed anyone to ever see him in anything less than a pristine, put together appearance. Theo offered a shrug.
"We've all been reminded, from time to time, about things that can never be. That is all this is and it will pass."
The viera's ears are as expressive as G'raha knows his own to be, and he can tell that his reaction has not gone unnoticed. He's grateful, though, that Theo chooses not to comment on it.
He manages a smile at the comment about weaponising Alisaie, and nods slightly. The response is hardly reassuring, but at least it's something - and it's not a complete dismissal of the very idea there's a problem, so that's something too.
G'raha is about to press for more information when Theo speaks again, and understanding dawns - the hurt is not physical but emotional, and something that Theo would rather deal with on his own.
Still, the words sting, it's as though the other man has read his mind. Things that can never be indeed. G'raha might recognise the wisdom of resigning this newly discovered soulmate bond to that category, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Not when, in another life, discovering Theo to be his soulmate would have been cause for jubilation and awe.
"Do you wish to talk about it?" He offers, ignoring his own heartbreak in favour of supporting his friend "I'm willing to lend an ear, if it would help."
Did he wish to talk about it? No, not at all. He opened his mouth to express such a thought but paused. Hesitation came because, and only because, the image of G'raha sealing himself within the Crystal Tower also flashed through his mind. Now here he was, even if it wasn't supposed to be something that Theo was to know. In truth, he regretted not saying anything then - feeling as though a part of himself also had went into that Tower.
"Mayhap what I can, if you bear in mind how Viera are," he said instead, pulling out a chair for the Exarch to take a seat in. "While also not thinking less of me for my momentary weakness, of course."
"I can do that," G'raha agrees, pleasantly surprised that Theo is willing to talk - and grateful, too, that he won't be suffering whatever hurt he is feeling alone.
"Sharing a burden is no weakness and you'll have no judgement for it from me, my friend." He adds as he takes the offered seat.
As though it would be possible for G'raha to think any less of him. From the moment they met - oh so many years ago, for the miqo'te - he has thought the entire world of Theo, and nothing will change that. Perhaps the will of the twelve is to blame, given what he knows now, but truthfully G'raha doesn't think the soulmate bond has anything to do with it - Theo is simply that good a person and G'raha will ever admire him.
"You will also have something to hang over Alisaie's head," Theo replied with a quirk of a lip. Now all he needed was the tightness in his chest to settle.
In reality, he knew he should just keep it to himself. This wasn't anyone else's burden. What does the Warrior of Light have to actually regret? Was he not supposed to be an unfaltering source of strength? Of course added on top of that was the years spent weeding out such things in the jungle that it had become instinct to withhold. To hold back.
"Fanow doesn't even remotely look like the village I grew up in," he started, frowning. "They do not speak to their trees nor do they have the same culture. Yet some of the traditions are the same."
That comment earns a soft chuckle - he almost makes a comment about not wanting to get on Alisaie's bad side, but instead keeps his words to himself, not wanting to allow the conversation to stray. Theo has always seemed the type to keep everything inside - he'd been positively stand-offish the first time they met - so the fact that he's willing to share now, with him, is something to be treasured, in his opinion. He also understands how difficult it might be, and he doesn't want anything to get in the way of that.
He listens quietly as Theo begins his explanation, nodding slightly in his understanding.
"One doesn't expect to find familiarity an entire world away, making it all the more striking when you do find it." He offers, softly encouraging "The juxtaposition of familiar and unfamiliar is uniquely jarring, I think."
There are moments that have appeared since arriving on the First and meeting the Crystal Exarch; would it have been this easy to converse with G'raha Tia had Theo given anyone a chance early on? A lamentable thing, really, as he would never know.
"Quite so," he agreed, wondering if it had been much the same for the man across from him. "Veena are more lenient than Rava with their rules regarding the parting and subsequent return of their own. Without the Wood whispering to their ears, I wonder if Viis carry those same traditions as well."
Theo was saying a lot in not so many words. Had he been born Veena, not Rava, he might have been able to come and go from his home. The core of issue from where his present mood derives from revolved around family in general. To the Rava, anyone who left might as well be dead. Theo in his earlier years bore witness to such grieving. He wondered if the Wood wailed alongside his sisters the night he stepped foot out of Golmore.
"I think I understand." G'raha says quietly. To be unable to return to your home... yes, he does understand that. Though he had been young when he left, and he had made a new home for himself in Sharlayan, he still felt an echo of what Theo must be experiencing, especially when he had repeated the process all over again in coming to the First. His exile was of his own making, this time, since his plan to return the scions would not allow him to return as well, but he couldn't say he didn't regret knowing he'd never look upon his home again.
If Fanow bore such resemblance to Theo's home, he can understand how that might have brought such a feeling rushing to the surface.
"Is there aught I can do for you?" He offers then, unable to help himself "We perhaps have some time before we must continue our mission, if you wanted to spend more time with them?" He isn't sure if that would help or not, but it's worth reminding him it's an option, he thinks.
Of course the Exarch would understand in his own way. Theo didn't have the entire story, of course, but there was enough for him to know that G'raha was not on the Source either. He knew, now, about what had happened to Val as well and he wondered, on some level, if that contributed to the decision to be isolated in the Crystal Tower. The Viera would wait for an explanation proper, but for now? He shook his head.
"That is inevitable, I think, with how things are," Theo mused.
They would be traveling back and forth from that location for a while yet. It wasn't as though no one ever retraced steps or failed to check in upon friends and allies made. Theo would have to adjust to the feeling.
"This will pass. Looking at all of the Viis only made my thoughts stray towards the family that no longer is."
"I suppose it is." G'raha agrees - no doubt there would be more they could learn from Fanow, at the very least, with ruins still unexplored. He wonders if he should offer the opposite, instead - make sure it is the other scions who are sent there whenever there is need of it, so Theo can avoid the distraction of painful memories.
He decides for the moment to say nothing of it, to let Theo make the decision for himself - though he'll certainly be watching closely the next time a visit is required, making sure it is not overtaxing.
"It is hardly surprising that they have." He nods "I'm sorry if that has brought you any pain, my friend, even if it is pain that will pass."
Theo shook his head. There was no need to apologize or sympathize. "I made my choice then and even now, I do not have any regrets."
It was hard to, seeing how the star was starting to take shape. Theo recognized the strides taken and the alliances that had been forged. Freedoms that were now within the reach of so many different peoples.
"If you were to give me the option to be able to return now, I don't suppose I would take it."
G'raha smiles softly, a touch of admiration in his expression - he's impressed, truly, by Theo's certainty in his choices.
He has a similar certainty, in truth, a determination to see his plans through to fruition. He is apologetic about dragging the other scions to the First, regrets that they are in danger, but he doesn't entirely regret his own choices that brought them here. He wouldn't, he thinks, do anything differently, not now he's seen how much good they have done at Theo's side.
He might, he thinks, regret how those plans impact his own fate. He thought he had come to terms with his end, but knowing what he does now about Theo brings its own sense of loss. A loss he refuses to inflict on the other man, however much it breaks his own heart.
"I understand." He says gently "You are the type to look forward."
His gaze shifted towards the open window. It is no lie. Theo wasn't someone who looked back on most of his choices. Doing something like that was fruitless, really. Even if you pondered all of the "what-ifs" nothing would change about the present situation. All it would do would be to drive one into insanity. That didn't mean he didn't have moments where he felt as though he missed the chance to do the right thing. To make a better choice than what he did.
One of those moments happened to be staring at him, even though Theo wasn't able to really see those eyes behind the cowl. His ears twitched and he had to suppress something close to a grin. Maybe the Viera could just give into an impulse that has been something of an itch in the back of his mind ever since realizing the identity of the Crystal Exarch.
It was hard not to tease and he was doing so well at refraining. Oh well!
"I do find myself reminiscing more and more since arriving here. In fact, gazing at the Crystal Tower brings me to a moment in time where I wish I had done something different," Theo began, oh so casually. Conversationally.
That easy, casual tone lures G'raha into a false sense of security, not even considering that there might be an ulterior motive behind Theo's words - after all, it sounds like a perfectly reasonable continuation of their conversation.
"It does?" He asks "What moment is that?"
It's not that he doesn't think Theo is talking about something to do with their previous encounter, in fact he thinks it quite likely, but he thinks it still safe to press - it might not be to do with him, after all, and he sounds quite relaxed about it so it's probably not something causing him too much anguish or regret, which is to say it's not going to make G'raha feel horribly guilty for concealing his identity.
Mostly, though, he's curious - and he thinks that trying to change the subject would be even more suspicious than just asking.
"Aye," Theo nodded. It was a task to keep his ears in a more relaxed position, but make no mistake they still moved at the slightest sound outside the window or door. "Though what I am to say isn't to leave this room."
For various reasons, truth to be told. It wasn't often that Theo told anyone what was on his mind or where his thoughts drifted off to. Yes, the red mage was using it as a means to tease the Exarch at the moment, but wasn't as though he was going to know this. Yet there were things that were going to be said, some truths that were best left alone.
"At the time I was simply brought on to do a job. Nothing more, nothing less," he admitted. "When I was done, I had every intention of parting ways - much like I had intended to do with the Scions at that point. Getting attached to anyone wasn't in the plans."
That was how he had lived the previous three decades, after all. Theo would move from one locale to another, simply doing what he was hired to do and then move on. Now look where he was.
"There was someone I met who reminded me of a much younger version of myself, before my mentor came for me. I was somewhat annoyed by the reminder, mind you. I had worked hard to remove that curious nature so I could best perform the duties expected of me."
"Of course." G'raha agrees immediately - as though he would ever betray a confidence like this, even without being asked, but he understands the urge to confirm.
He listens to the story with a carefully neutral expression. He can't be sure that Theo is talking about their first meeting, but he can't be sure he isn't, either, so he's doing his best not to give anything away. It helps that his face is half-hidden, helps keep his expression from revealing his feelings most of the time.
Which comes in handy when Theo talks about being annoyed at the reminder. Honestly, he could be talking about anybody, but if he is talking about G'raha, there's something uniquely distressing about learning a man is your soulmate and then, barely a few minutes later, learning that he found you annoying when first you met.
To be fair, that first impression was never meant to be a good one. Theo did not like those sorts of games being played, after all. He wanted to retrieve what was needed and return as quickly as possible. G'raha Tia made him work for it needlessly, in his opinion. Then after? Theo kept seeing the Miqo'te act petulant and excitable. Defiant and yet clearly led by his own sense of morals, unshakable. Of course that only reminded him of what was given to the Wood in order to simply survive. Golmore was not a place for idealistic younglings with more heart than sense in some cases.
"They decided to go where none could follow," he answered. "To pursue something they saw as a duty or obligation."
The water he had been consuming earlier was all but gone. Theo pushed himself up from his seat to slowly fetch more.
"I surprised myself with how upset I was over it, considering normally I would praise such dedication," Theo mused. "Instead that moment has stayed with me, even now. I find myself, every time I gaze upon the tower, wondering if I should have engaged more and what could have been instead."
He turned after filling the glass, looking back at the man at the table. "Nothing happened and that is one of the few things in my life that I would do differently, if I could."
Any offence taken at being called annoying is immediately soothed when Theo continues, though the warmth he feels at the idea that Theo was upset at his leaving is tempered with a heavy amount of guilt for causing such sorrow. And for concealing himself now.
It's better, he tells himself, and it's firmer now. It's better that Theo doesn't know, so he doesn't have to go through that loss again.
"What..." he starts, voice catching slightly before he clears his throat and starts again, trying to sound like he's just interested and sympathetic rather than wildly curious because Theo is talking about him "What would you have done, if you did get to do it differently?"
He was most certainly talking about one G'raha Tia. Now here he was, standing across the room from the same man. At least, he was the same man deep down. How this all came to be, Theo didn't know and again he wouldn't ask. Instead he continued to drink his water, the ache in his own soul still ever present.
His ear twitched at the sound of the man's voice. Theo wondered if the Exarch really knew how fine tuned a Viera's hearing was. Said Viera's gaze grew a touch soft, as it usually did around the Scions anymore.
"Made more of an effort, perhaps," Theo admitted. "Stubborn as the thing was, doubtful I could have changed the outcome, but perhaps the burden could have been shared between two instead of it purely upon their shoulders."
He doesn't give voice to that thought, just ducks his head and hides his smile by bringing his hand to his mouth as though in thought. In truth, he actually is considering it. On the one hand, that would have been a rather neat way to prevent Theo falling in the calamity...
But only Theo, and then he, too, would have emerged from the tower to find the world in ruin, loved ones lost... no, both the Source and the First benefited from his continued presence outside the tower.
He can't say that exactly, but he does take a moment to find something similar enough that doesn't give anything away.
(Not that he realises it's already given away)
"If none could follow," he says, lifting his head "I assume also that this person could not return? Therefore, had you shared this burden, you would have also been lost to the world. If they understand duty enough to sacrifice themselves to it, doubtless they understood your duty was to the people who needed your help. The people whose lives you have saved because you did not share that burden, but instead continued to shoulder your own."
There was no way for Theo to know all of this, of course. He had no knowledge of the future nor the plight of the star was sailing towards. Impossible to know that he was on the path to his own demise, now potentially thwarted by the intervention of the man in front of him alongside so many others.
"Not on his own, no," Theo agreed. "There is more than one way to share a burden. Am I not six decades young? Older, yes, than most of my companions, but someone who could still watch the world and wait for the right time."
"Mm, perhaps." G'raha tilts his head to concede "None of us truly know where our paths lead, however, and though yours lead away at the time, it's not impossible that things will change."
Maybe that's the thing to hope for, he thinks, not that anything will happen between him and Theo, but that things may be different for the version of him still on the Source, in Theo's time, waiting for the world to be ready.
Perhaps that's why the crystal has covered his soul mark, because in his time his soulmate was lost, and this Theo, the one standing in front of him vibrant and whole and wonderful, belongs to another him.
It doesn't really help. In fact thinking too much about it makes his heart ache.
That wasn't wrong, of course. In the time that he has been with the Scions, they have made the impossible, possible. Conflicts were put to rest and victories that were once thought to be hopeless, achieved. Even Theo found himself growing as a person. Or, perhaps, he was just beginning to shift into something closer to the person he once was.
"You are not wrong," he nodded. "Perhaps that was why I had asked about him when you first brought me to the Crystal Tower here."
Though Theo was starting to wonder if he would really hold out that long. The pain in his soul, the feeling of the Light creating cracks and fissures... Would he really be able to last until they figured out what to do next?
"Perhaps I was looking for tha next chance. To apologize and do better."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 12:21 am (UTC)Since that was her way. Theo had long grown accustomed to the twins and their own unique brands of fussing. The Viera turned, gaze fixed on the Exarch now that he had stopped speaking. Don't think I didn't notice... Notice what? Theo was certain he never informed anyone of what the Light was doing to him. No one needed to worry about that, lest they think Theo unable to see this through. Which he would.
His head tilted to the side a bit, an ear dropping with it. "The way I...?"
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 01:19 am (UTC)The words snap him out of his shock, and even without the tell-tale twitch of his ears, tucked as they are neatly beneath his hood, it's obvious that he starts slightly at the sound of them.
"You avoided the question." He finishes smoothly - he knows he can't hide the way he flinched, but he hopes that by pressing on he can at least make Theo forget about it and not ask too many questions of his own.
"Are you well, my friend? If I report back to Mistress Alisaie that you refused to answer for your current state, she will return here herself."
He's not above using the fear of Alisaie to keep the conversation on the right track, even as his mind races at this new revelation.
Would Theo believe him, if G'raha told him without evidence? Would he be angry to learn the identity that G'raha has hid from him, since he can't very well reveal such information and still keep it hidden, can he?
More importantly, is it fair to tell him when G'raha still has every expectation of sacrificing himself for their cause?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 01:46 am (UTC)"I see you are not afraid to weaponize Alisaie," he replied instead. "You may tell her it is nothing that anyone can assist me with."
Of course Theo was clueless as to the internal struggle of the other man in the room. That shirt at least covered everything now, even if the collar dropped below a shoulder a touch. Really, this was a rare sight. Theo rarely allowed anyone to ever see him in anything less than a pristine, put together appearance. Theo offered a shrug.
"We've all been reminded, from time to time, about things that can never be. That is all this is and it will pass."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 01:57 am (UTC)The viera's ears are as expressive as G'raha knows his own to be, and he can tell that his reaction has not gone unnoticed. He's grateful, though, that Theo chooses not to comment on it.
He manages a smile at the comment about weaponising Alisaie, and nods slightly. The response is hardly reassuring, but at least it's something - and it's not a complete dismissal of the very idea there's a problem, so that's something too.
G'raha is about to press for more information when Theo speaks again, and understanding dawns - the hurt is not physical but emotional, and something that Theo would rather deal with on his own.
Still, the words sting, it's as though the other man has read his mind. Things that can never be indeed. G'raha might recognise the wisdom of resigning this newly discovered soulmate bond to that category, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Not when, in another life, discovering Theo to be his soulmate would have been cause for jubilation and awe.
"Do you wish to talk about it?" He offers, ignoring his own heartbreak in favour of supporting his friend "I'm willing to lend an ear, if it would help."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 02:07 am (UTC)"Mayhap what I can, if you bear in mind how Viera are," he said instead, pulling out a chair for the Exarch to take a seat in. "While also not thinking less of me for my momentary weakness, of course."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 02:25 am (UTC)"I can do that," G'raha agrees, pleasantly surprised that Theo is willing to talk - and grateful, too, that he won't be suffering whatever hurt he is feeling alone.
"Sharing a burden is no weakness and you'll have no judgement for it from me, my friend." He adds as he takes the offered seat.
As though it would be possible for G'raha to think any less of him. From the moment they met - oh so many years ago, for the miqo'te - he has thought the entire world of Theo, and nothing will change that. Perhaps the will of the twelve is to blame, given what he knows now, but truthfully G'raha doesn't think the soulmate bond has anything to do with it - Theo is simply that good a person and G'raha will ever admire him.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 03:28 am (UTC)In reality, he knew he should just keep it to himself. This wasn't anyone else's burden. What does the Warrior of Light have to actually regret? Was he not supposed to be an unfaltering source of strength? Of course added on top of that was the years spent weeding out such things in the jungle that it had become instinct to withhold. To hold back.
"Fanow doesn't even remotely look like the village I grew up in," he started, frowning. "They do not speak to their trees nor do they have the same culture. Yet some of the traditions are the same."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-11 11:05 am (UTC)That comment earns a soft chuckle - he almost makes a comment about not wanting to get on Alisaie's bad side, but instead keeps his words to himself, not wanting to allow the conversation to stray. Theo has always seemed the type to keep everything inside - he'd been positively stand-offish the first time they met - so the fact that he's willing to share now, with him, is something to be treasured, in his opinion. He also understands how difficult it might be, and he doesn't want anything to get in the way of that.
He listens quietly as Theo begins his explanation, nodding slightly in his understanding.
"One doesn't expect to find familiarity an entire world away, making it all the more striking when you do find it." He offers, softly encouraging "The juxtaposition of familiar and unfamiliar is uniquely jarring, I think."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-12 11:01 pm (UTC)"Quite so," he agreed, wondering if it had been much the same for the man across from him. "Veena are more lenient than Rava with their rules regarding the parting and subsequent return of their own. Without the Wood whispering to their ears, I wonder if Viis carry those same traditions as well."
Theo was saying a lot in not so many words. Had he been born Veena, not Rava, he might have been able to come and go from his home. The core of issue from where his present mood derives from revolved around family in general. To the Rava, anyone who left might as well be dead. Theo in his earlier years bore witness to such grieving. He wondered if the Wood wailed alongside his sisters the night he stepped foot out of Golmore.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-12 11:11 pm (UTC)"I think I understand." G'raha says quietly. To be unable to return to your home... yes, he does understand that. Though he had been young when he left, and he had made a new home for himself in Sharlayan, he still felt an echo of what Theo must be experiencing, especially when he had repeated the process all over again in coming to the First. His exile was of his own making, this time, since his plan to return the scions would not allow him to return as well, but he couldn't say he didn't regret knowing he'd never look upon his home again.
If Fanow bore such resemblance to Theo's home, he can understand how that might have brought such a feeling rushing to the surface.
"Is there aught I can do for you?" He offers then, unable to help himself "We perhaps have some time before we must continue our mission, if you wanted to spend more time with them?" He isn't sure if that would help or not, but it's worth reminding him it's an option, he thinks.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-12 11:30 pm (UTC)"That is inevitable, I think, with how things are," Theo mused.
They would be traveling back and forth from that location for a while yet. It wasn't as though no one ever retraced steps or failed to check in upon friends and allies made. Theo would have to adjust to the feeling.
"This will pass. Looking at all of the Viis only made my thoughts stray towards the family that no longer is."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-13 12:17 am (UTC)"I suppose it is." G'raha agrees - no doubt there would be more they could learn from Fanow, at the very least, with ruins still unexplored. He wonders if he should offer the opposite, instead - make sure it is the other scions who are sent there whenever there is need of it, so Theo can avoid the distraction of painful memories.
He decides for the moment to say nothing of it, to let Theo make the decision for himself - though he'll certainly be watching closely the next time a visit is required, making sure it is not overtaxing.
"It is hardly surprising that they have." He nods "I'm sorry if that has brought you any pain, my friend, even if it is pain that will pass."
wow i'm sorry time go away from me
Date: 2024-03-19 10:55 pm (UTC)It was hard to, seeing how the star was starting to take shape. Theo recognized the strides taken and the alliances that had been forged. Freedoms that were now within the reach of so many different peoples.
"If you were to give me the option to be able to return now, I don't suppose I would take it."
it happens, no worries!
Date: 2024-03-20 12:35 pm (UTC)G'raha smiles softly, a touch of admiration in his expression - he's impressed, truly, by Theo's certainty in his choices.
He has a similar certainty, in truth, a determination to see his plans through to fruition. He is apologetic about dragging the other scions to the First, regrets that they are in danger, but he doesn't entirely regret his own choices that brought them here. He wouldn't, he thinks, do anything differently, not now he's seen how much good they have done at Theo's side.
He might, he thinks, regret how those plans impact his own fate. He thought he had come to terms with his end, but knowing what he does now about Theo brings its own sense of loss. A loss he refuses to inflict on the other man, however much it breaks his own heart.
"I understand." He says gently "You are the type to look forward."
/cracks knuckles well i guess it's time
Date: 2024-03-24 01:12 am (UTC)His gaze shifted towards the open window. It is no lie. Theo wasn't someone who looked back on most of his choices. Doing something like that was fruitless, really. Even if you pondered all of the "what-ifs" nothing would change about the present situation. All it would do would be to drive one into insanity. That didn't mean he didn't have moments where he felt as though he missed the chance to do the right thing. To make a better choice than what he did.
One of those moments happened to be staring at him, even though Theo wasn't able to really see those eyes behind the cowl. His ears twitched and he had to suppress something close to a grin. Maybe the Viera could just give into an impulse that has been something of an itch in the back of his mind ever since realizing the identity of the Crystal Exarch.
It was hard not to tease and he was doing so well at refraining. Oh well!
"I do find myself reminiscing more and more since arriving here. In fact, gazing at the Crystal Tower brings me to a moment in time where I wish I had done something different," Theo began, oh so casually. Conversationally.
Re: /cracks knuckles well i guess it's time
Date: 2024-03-24 02:10 am (UTC)That easy, casual tone lures G'raha into a false sense of security, not even considering that there might be an ulterior motive behind Theo's words - after all, it sounds like a perfectly reasonable continuation of their conversation.
"It does?" He asks "What moment is that?"
It's not that he doesn't think Theo is talking about something to do with their previous encounter, in fact he thinks it quite likely, but he thinks it still safe to press - it might not be to do with him, after all, and he sounds quite relaxed about it so it's probably not something causing him too much anguish or regret, which is to say it's not going to make G'raha feel horribly guilty for concealing his identity.
Mostly, though, he's curious - and he thinks that trying to change the subject would be even more suspicious than just asking.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-24 02:26 am (UTC)For various reasons, truth to be told. It wasn't often that Theo told anyone what was on his mind or where his thoughts drifted off to. Yes, the red mage was using it as a means to tease the Exarch at the moment, but wasn't as though he was going to know this. Yet there were things that were going to be said, some truths that were best left alone.
"At the time I was simply brought on to do a job. Nothing more, nothing less," he admitted. "When I was done, I had every intention of parting ways - much like I had intended to do with the Scions at that point. Getting attached to anyone wasn't in the plans."
That was how he had lived the previous three decades, after all. Theo would move from one locale to another, simply doing what he was hired to do and then move on. Now look where he was.
"There was someone I met who reminded me of a much younger version of myself, before my mentor came for me. I was somewhat annoyed by the reminder, mind you. I had worked hard to remove that curious nature so I could best perform the duties expected of me."
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Date: 2024-03-24 03:41 am (UTC)"Of course." G'raha agrees immediately - as though he would ever betray a confidence like this, even without being asked, but he understands the urge to confirm.
He listens to the story with a carefully neutral expression. He can't be sure that Theo is talking about their first meeting, but he can't be sure he isn't, either, so he's doing his best not to give anything away. It helps that his face is half-hidden, helps keep his expression from revealing his feelings most of the time.
Which comes in handy when Theo talks about being annoyed at the reminder. Honestly, he could be talking about anybody, but if he is talking about G'raha, there's something uniquely distressing about learning a man is your soulmate and then, barely a few minutes later, learning that he found you annoying when first you met.
"So what happened?" He prompts
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Date: 2024-03-24 04:05 am (UTC)"They decided to go where none could follow," he answered. "To pursue something they saw as a duty or obligation."
The water he had been consuming earlier was all but gone. Theo pushed himself up from his seat to slowly fetch more.
"I surprised myself with how upset I was over it, considering normally I would praise such dedication," Theo mused. "Instead that moment has stayed with me, even now. I find myself, every time I gaze upon the tower, wondering if I should have engaged more and what could have been instead."
He turned after filling the glass, looking back at the man at the table. "Nothing happened and that is one of the few things in my life that I would do differently, if I could."
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Date: 2024-03-24 02:57 pm (UTC)Oh. He is definitely talking about G'raha.
Any offence taken at being called annoying is immediately soothed when Theo continues, though the warmth he feels at the idea that Theo was upset at his leaving is tempered with a heavy amount of guilt for causing such sorrow. And for concealing himself now.
It's better, he tells himself, and it's firmer now. It's better that Theo doesn't know, so he doesn't have to go through that loss again.
"What..." he starts, voice catching slightly before he clears his throat and starts again, trying to sound like he's just interested and sympathetic rather than wildly curious because Theo is talking about him "What would you have done, if you did get to do it differently?"
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Date: 2024-03-24 05:42 pm (UTC)His ear twitched at the sound of the man's voice. Theo wondered if the Exarch really knew how fine tuned a Viera's hearing was. Said Viera's gaze grew a touch soft, as it usually did around the Scions anymore.
"Made more of an effort, perhaps," Theo admitted. "Stubborn as the thing was, doubtful I could have changed the outcome, but perhaps the burden could have been shared between two instead of it purely upon their shoulders."
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Date: 2024-03-24 05:54 pm (UTC)Stubborn indeed! Theo's one to talk!
He doesn't give voice to that thought, just ducks his head and hides his smile by bringing his hand to his mouth as though in thought. In truth, he actually is considering it. On the one hand, that would have been a rather neat way to prevent Theo falling in the calamity...
But only Theo, and then he, too, would have emerged from the tower to find the world in ruin, loved ones lost... no, both the Source and the First benefited from his continued presence outside the tower.
He can't say that exactly, but he does take a moment to find something similar enough that doesn't give anything away.
(Not that he realises it's already given away)
"If none could follow," he says, lifting his head "I assume also that this person could not return? Therefore, had you shared this burden, you would have also been lost to the world. If they understand duty enough to sacrifice themselves to it, doubtless they understood your duty was to the people who needed your help. The people whose lives you have saved because you did not share that burden, but instead continued to shoulder your own."
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Date: 2024-03-24 06:44 pm (UTC)"Not on his own, no," Theo agreed. "There is more than one way to share a burden. Am I not six decades young? Older, yes, than most of my companions, but someone who could still watch the world and wait for the right time."
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Date: 2024-03-25 01:20 am (UTC)"Mm, perhaps." G'raha tilts his head to concede "None of us truly know where our paths lead, however, and though yours lead away at the time, it's not impossible that things will change."
Maybe that's the thing to hope for, he thinks, not that anything will happen between him and Theo, but that things may be different for the version of him still on the Source, in Theo's time, waiting for the world to be ready.
Perhaps that's why the crystal has covered his soul mark, because in his time his soulmate was lost, and this Theo, the one standing in front of him vibrant and whole and wonderful, belongs to another him.
It doesn't really help. In fact thinking too much about it makes his heart ache.
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Date: 2024-03-25 02:08 am (UTC)"You are not wrong," he nodded. "Perhaps that was why I had asked about him when you first brought me to the Crystal Tower here."
Though Theo was starting to wonder if he would really hold out that long. The pain in his soul, the feeling of the Light creating cracks and fissures... Would he really be able to last until they figured out what to do next?
"Perhaps I was looking for tha next chance. To apologize and do better."
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